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Friday, July 13, 2012

Is a plague of flies one of the signs of the coming apocalypse?

I woke up the other morning to one of those giant black flies buzzing around my room. I thought "Oh, yuck, a giant black fly. Blurgh." But then I went about my day, kids to swim practice, off to the library to do some writing, dinner with friends. I didn't get back home until about eleven that night. 
When I went into the bathroom to take out my contacts and wash off the day I was greeted with a plague of Jeff Goldbloom sized flies. I by plague I mean like twelve. Yech.
I attacked them with a fly swatter and hairspray.
Giant flies are totally gross when you have to swat them. First off they DO NOT want to die. I could be cause I'm quite a bit squeamish when swatting them. Little flies will take their swat and fall, but these suckers? Geez. I swear I hit some of them five times before they took a dive. And if you actually get a good wack in and they stick to the swatter, well, that's so gross I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth.
I couldn't reach all of them with my plastic excalibur, so in a panic, I grabbed for the hairspray. I thought maybe it would make their wings stick together, and if they can't fly, they'd fall, or something.
I imagined myself Lara Croft style, vaulting over the sink, flipping in mid air lighting the aquanet on fire and torching the little bastards.
The Suave pump action didn't have quite the same effect.


I'm so grossed out by this whole experience I'm literally grimacing as I sit here writing about it. Wrinkled up nose, grumpy ole man frown, rows of wrinkled over my scrunched up eyebrows.


I finally defeated all the little buggers (ha, I totally didn't mean that to be punny) and decided to wash up from my adventures in the kitchen, with the super anti-bacterial soap.
I'd made a red velvet cake for my cake decorating class earlier and hadn't yet rinsed out the mixing bowl. While scrubbing up I filled it with water so I could wash it too.
The water in the bowl, I swear to God, turned a bloody gooey color and consistency.
Water into Blood.
Oh, God, I'm on the verge of a personal apocalypse.


My only comfort in these dark times is a good paranormal romance.


Here are the best of the freebies.
Make sure to check the prices before you one-click in case the promo isn't still on.
Click on the covers to link straight to Amazon for the download.


The Problem With Black Magic (The Familiar Series)

5/5 stars from 3 Amazon reviewers.

The Problem with Black Magic by Karen Mead


Fiercely independent Cassie Tremblay divides her time between working the cash register at her neighborhood coffee shop and studying to produce the grades to get into a top-tier university. Sam, a mysterious co-worker at The Daily Grind, seems to have taken an instant dislike to her, but for Cassie, the looming specter of the SAT Verbal section is a much bigger concern.

After a freak accident nearly leaves Cassie and her co-workers dead, a spell cast in desperation transforms her from a regular teen to a valuable familiar: a magical well a demon can tap. As if she didn't have enough problems, now every demon (and their monstrous minions) seems to be after Cassie's latent magic, and will stop at nothing to possess her.
Blending a hint of gothic romance with wry humor, The Problem With Black Magic is a tale of one young woman's struggle for independence in a brand new world of sorcery, intrigue, and wonder.
Hollowland (The Hollows, #1)

4.3/5 stars with 393 Amazon reviews.

Hollowland by Amanda Hocking


Moon Dance (Vampire for Hire #1)Hollowland - the first book in the young adult dystopian series The Hollows..
"This is the way the world ends - not with a bang or a whimper, but with zombies breaking down the back door."
Nineteen-year-old Remy King is on a mission to get across the wasteland left of America, and nothing will stand in her way - not violent marauders, a spoiled rock star, or an army of flesh-eating zombies.
This is a young adult title with some language, violence, and mild sexual situations recommended for ages sixteen and up.


4.1/5 Stars with 310 Amazon Reviews

Moon Dance (Vampire for Hire #1)


Mother, wife, private investigator...vampire. Six years ago federal agent Samantha Moon was the perfect wife and mother, your typical soccer mom with the minivan and suburban home. Then the unthinkable happens, an attack that changes her life forever. And forever is a very long time for a vampire. Now the world at large thinks Samantha has developed a rare skin disease, a disease which forces her to quit her day job and stay out of the light of the sun. Now working the night shift as a private investigator, Samantha is hired by Kingsley Fulcrum to investigate the murder attempt on his life, a horrific scene captured on TV and seen around the country. But as the case unfolds, Samantha discovers Kingsley isn't exactly what he appears to be; after all, there is a reason why he survived five shots to the head. Samson's Lovely Mortal (Scanguards Vampires #1)



4.6/5 Stars with 213 Amazon Reviews.

Samson's Lovely Mortal (Sanguards Vampires #1) by Tina Folsom


Vampire bachelor Samson can't get it up anymore. Not even his shrink can help him. That changes when the lovely mortal auditor Delilah tumbles into his arms after a seemingly random attack. Suddenly there's nothing wrong with his hydraulics - that is, as long as Delilah is the woman in his arms.



Jenny Pox (The Paranormals, Book 1)

4.1/5 Stars with 208 Amazon Reviews

Jenny Pox by JL Bryan


Eighteen-year-old Jenny Morton has a horrific secret: her touch spreads a deadly supernatural plague, the "Jenny pox." She lives by a single rule: Never touch anyone. A lifetime of avoiding any physical contact with others has made her isolated and painfully lonely in her small rural town. 
Then she meets the one boy she can touch. Jenny feels herself falling for Seth...but if she's going to be with him, Jenny must learn to use the deadly pox inside her to confront his ruthless and manipulative girlfriend Ashleigh, who secretly wields the most dangerous power of all.


Haunted on Bourbon Street (Jade Calhoun Series Book 1)


4.2/5 Stars with 99 Amazon Reviews.

Haunted on Bourbon Street by Deanna Chase


Jade loves her new apartment--until a ghost joins her in the shower. 
When empath Jade Calhoun moves into an apartment above a strip bar on Bourbon Street, she expects life to get interesting. What she doesn't count on is making friends with an exotic dancer, attracting a powerful spirit, and developing feelings for Kane, her sexy landlord.
Being an empath has never been easy on Jade's relationships. It's no wonder she keeps her gift a secret. But when the ghost moves from spooking Jade to terrorizing Pyper, the dancer, it's up to Jade to use her unique ability to save her. Except she'll need Kane's help--and he's betrayed her with a secret of his own--to do it. Can she find a way to trust him and herself before Pyper is lost?

Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble, a Paranormal Romance (Jolie Wilkins Series, Book #1)

4.3/5 Stars with 366 Amazon Reviews.

Fire Burn ad Cauldron Bubble by H.P. Mallory


A self-deprecating witch with the unique ability to reanimate the dead. A dangerously handsome warlock torn between being her boss and her would-be lover. A six hundred year old English vampire with his own agenda; one that includes an appetite for witches. The Underworld in a state of chaos. 
Let the games begin.
Life isn’t bad for psychic Jolie Wilkins. True, she doesn’t have a love life to speak of, but she has a cute house in the suburbs of Los Angeles, a cat and a quirky best friend.
Enter Rand Balfour, a sinfully attractive warlock who insists she’s a witch and who just might turn her life upside down. Rand hires her to help him solve a mystery regarding the death of his client who also happens to be a ghost. Jolie not only uncovers the cause of the ghost’s demise but, in the process, she brings him back to life!
Word of Jolie’s incredible ability to bring back the dead spreads like wildfire, putting her at the top of the Underworld’s most wanted list. Consequently, she finds herself at the center of a custody battle between a villainous witch, a dangerous but oh-so-sexy vampire, and her warlock boss, Rand. 




Enjoy these books while I go figure out how to prepare for the locusts. Or. Maybe this is the beginning of the Zombie Apocalypse.
Yay.